Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
