So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
