Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize