My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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