Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
