We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
