I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
