I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
