okay pat passed out under dana's car
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
