Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I fill condoms, not promises.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize