I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
