Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
