So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She even gives head with a lisp.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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