Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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