hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
