we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
