Welp...herpes.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
