There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
