Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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