My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Im part way to drunk.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
