you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Someone signed my nipple.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
