Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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