When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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