first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
