I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
