Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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