I hate all girls vehemently.
Please, let me fuck your mom
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
