The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
