I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
