This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
