I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
