Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize