And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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