well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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