at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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