YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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