It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
