Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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