Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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