Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
