I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
