Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize