Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
