you traded sex for a burrito?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
