you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
