Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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