My Higher Power is John Stamos
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
