I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
