I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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