dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I didn't notice because vodka
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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