Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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