i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
