You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
