Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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