my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
