Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry about my life...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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