The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
