i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize