i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
