im gay
i know
yea but for you.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
