Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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