Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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