Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You work out of a Hotel?
Screwed.edu
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
