I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
