i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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