you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
