Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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