3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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