Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
