is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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