I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
