I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
