I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
