Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
