He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
