You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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