I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
