Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
