i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
