Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i drank out of a bidet.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
