what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
