and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
