I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
