Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I came so hard my ears popped.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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