okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
