gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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