dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's blow job season.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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