Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We talked him into tasing himself.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
