I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You can't motorboat a personality
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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