I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
