My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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