Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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