highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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