That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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