So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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